I will always be with you

I will Always Be with You
By: Domus Vocis

As he laid on his bed, tired from the last treatment he’d recently gone through, Keith kept telling me that the leukemia wouldn’t stop us. It was a small setback, and wouldn’t stop him from getting through high school. We’d go to the same college, sneak to frat parties and grow old together.  

“Hey,” he joked, “I’ll even bring you to that dumb sci-fi movie you’re looking forward to. What was it, uh…‘Transcendence’ ‘Deliverance’? ‘Descendant’?”

“It’s called ‘Ascendance’, silly,” I laughed weakly, giving him a soft peck on the lips. “Y-Yeah, we…we will go see it, and I’ll make sure to save you some popcorn.” Hearing me, Keith tiredly gave a smile with his incredible oceanic eyes staring into mine.

“I love you so much,” he told me. “Did you know that?”

“Yep,” I replied. “Why tell me that?”

“Because I love saying it,” he chuckled weakly and squeezed my hand as tight as he could. “David, I’m going to be okay. Okay?”

Trying to keep myself together, I sniffled before replying, “O-Okay.”

We tried continuing on with our lives. He couldn’t go to practice anymore because of his condition, so we spent more time together waiting. Playing. Praying. We even did his homework, despite how it didn’t matter anymore.

The day I was told Keith collapsed and was placed in an ambulance, I ditched school for the hospital, as did his teammates and friends. And bolting past the staff and through the door, I saw Keith—the strong-as-granite athlete and greatest boyfriend in the world—comatose on the hospital bed. For agonizing hours, I squeezed his hand and didn’t move at all, not even past visiting hours.

Keith’s heart stopped three days later, and I never felt so numb in my life.

My friends, as well as Keith’s loyal teammates, gave me good comfort, and his parents cried alongside me. Most, if not all the school came to his funeral days later, and mere words could not describe the grief-stricken atmosphere around everyone, or even the emptiness in my chest.

Afterward, Keith’s father dropped me off at my house before handing me a familiar notebook. He said he found it in Keith’s room the day before, and thought it’d be best that I had it. Surprised at first, I slowly took it in my hands, then sat still as he pulled me into a hug. I didn’t expect it at first, especially since he never liked me being with his athletic son, so I was surprised by his honest emotions. However, the weight of these past months, watching helplessly as Keith slowly faded away from us, it compelled me to embrace him. Now both of us crying, we sat in the car and held onto each other for a long time.

Pulling away, Keith’s father simply whispered, “Thank you, for loving my son.” We didn’t say anything as I got out and watched him drive off before slumping inside.

I slowly made my way upstairs and fell into the bed, tears still burnt into my cheeks. Mom checked up on me before taking her double shifts, and gave her solemn condolences. Right after she left the y thoughts went to Keith, my dashing football player that swept me off my feet all those years ago. The only love I ever had in life.

I looked over at the large blue notebook that rested beside my bed, and decided to read it. And when I did, it brought back memories of pencils and paper, memoirs of long ago. It all started in fourth grade, when he and I started playing. It wasn’t until the fifth grade we started using this, talking about what happened on some TV shows we watched together, on certain toys, friends, and family, practically everything.  

Suddenly, I came across the second to last page, the page where we were both in eighth grade. At first, we talked about the latest episode of an old show we used to watch, and then about a bully who picked on Keith for his sexuality.

Then, he asked me if we would be friends forever. I replied yes, and then he wrote, “Can we be boyfriends instead?” That led to the last blank page, where I didn’t reply to him by note.

A conversation later, and Keith never left me by my side. We were always happy together, helped each other through the worst, and cheered for each other after each stressful day. I always felt safe, like he could protect me from anything. Bullies at school, my anxiety attacks, and the loneliness I felt.

“Now…you’re gone…Keith” staring at the final page, I cried myself to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~

I found myself standing in an endless field of flowers and soft grass, with the sunlight above me as intense as a spotlight. Each step I made and my senses were overwhelmed with diverse smells and exotic fragrances. The grass underneath my barren feet gained a comfort I never knew, softer than a pile of feathers. I felt…happy again.

“David…”

In a heartbeat, I turned around fast and saw him. Standing there. “K-Keith?”

The sixteen year old boy in front of me didn’t just speak or look like him, with his dirty blonde hair, ocean eyes, and bright smile. At first, I saw it as a faded mirage, a trick of the mind that emerged from my sadness. He’d disappear and I’d be all alone again.

“David!” he shouted again, and I knew then and there, it was him.

“Keith!” I screamed, running for him. “Keith!”

I grabbed him in a few strides, feet pounding at the soil and hands trembling. I felt his strong embrace around my arms, and buried my face into his strong chest. Tears welled in my eyes and cascaded down my cheek, as did the boy I loved.

Gripping the other’s arms and kissing, we both fell on our knees. “Keith…God, I-I can’t believe you’re here!” I wavered and smiled with tears in my eyes and lips. “Y-You’re dead...”

Keith patted my head, and comforted me in a soothing whisper. “Shhhh,” he spoke gently, “it’s okay, David. I’m right here, and that’s all that matters.” I looked up to stare into his eyes, and felt like I could be lost in them. As we knelt into each other’s arm,, he just kept smiling at me. “We do not have forever here.”

“H-Here?” I asked, raising a confused eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Keith stood me up, holding my hand softly. “Listen David,” he said. “He gave me a certain amount of time to spend with my loved ones. I already spent mine with my parents.” He lifted my chin and gave me a quick and passionate kiss on the lips, then parted to press his forehead to mine. “But now, I have time for you.”

“Do you mean…us…?” I asked.

He nodded solemnly. “Why not we spend our time together, here on this earth, in peace?” he asked. “After all, we have all night.” He smiled again, and that glow in his eyes I remember returned.

We were no longer in a meadow of roses and lilies. We now stood on a beach, one with waves stretching over the dampening sand like a welcoming hand. I also noticed Keith and I were in our swimming suits, his a navy blue to match his eyes and brown to match mine. I even saw a forest to my left, but I was more focused on one thing: the sunset.

It was a gorgeous sunset, one of oranges and yellows and violets that streaked across the sky. Underneath it were the waves of the ocean, ceaselessly beating on through the waters and mist, lit up overhead by the cloudless sky. It shined in my face brightly, and actually made me start to cry again.

“It’s so beautiful…”

“Yeah,” I felt Keith’s hand clasp mine harder. Out of the blue, water splashed me in my chest, and I heard him laugh. “Hehe. Gotcha!”

Dripping and grinning, I splashed back. “Oh yeah? Take that!”

Keith and I started chasing each other through the waters, like the world or day could never end for us. It was a wonderful feeling, a sensation that pulled the innocence out of me, making me feel like we were kids again. By the time we were tired out, me and Keith held each other close on the soft grass of the forest, watching the sun sink away into the night.

We simply cuddled for a long time, our arms wrapped around the other’s chest, watching as the stars lit up in the black ocean above us. A few fireflies wandered around me and Keith, except we didn’t mind. In fact, it added to the beauty of the place.

I slowly rested my head on his shoulder, my hand over his beating heart and his arms wrapped around my waist. It was so peaceful, so sound, and so perfect.

“Just wait, David,” Keith whispered tenderly. “The night isn’t over just yet.” Turning his head down to mine, the blonde-haired boy beamed a smile and asked, “Where do you want to go now?”

I shrugged. “Wherever you want to.”

He paused for a moment, and smirked. From that look, I knew he had something in mind, something extraordinary. Keith closed his eyes for a second, and in a flash, the scenery changed around us once again.

We now stood in an endless forest of silvery mist and midnight air. It was daylight, yet the leaves of the emerald trees blocked it out, abandoning the ground in a partial darkness. And from where Keith and I stood—both of us now in white clothing—the world of the forest came into fruition.

Keith bolted down a dirt path, and I mindlessly followed suit. I held no idea what we were racing for, but I didn’t care; I only wanted to be close to him. Running through the woodland, I felt like I could go on forever through the leaves and sunlight without shame or sin. This felt too real to be an illusion, because every smell and aroma of the forest that came hit me like a train.

After a long time, we eventually saw a clearing up ahead and decided to race. “I’m gonna beat you, Keith!” I giggled with each stride of our glowing footprints.

“You were saying?” he laughed and panted. “If you couldn’t beat me in gym, you can’t beat me now!”

I snorted. “Buzz kill!”

Keith laughed. “I love you too!” he replied.

Both of us were a dozen feet away, and then several, and finally a few feet away. In the end, a tie was made and a bright light engulfed us.

My vision cleared away. We stood in a luscious clearing, and a vast lagoon lied calmly before us under the cloudy sun. I smelled the cologne of the sea in my nose, sending me into a whirlpool of synesthesia. I even felt the misty kisses of sea water on my cheek.

Keith took a hold of my hand, and I followed. To my utter shock, his foot stood on the water like it was nothing more than clear glass. My eyes widened in amazement as his other foot touched the water with a simple tap, and ripples appeared underneath him.

“David?” Keith asked, “Do you trust me?” I hesitated at first, but firmly nodded.

I looked down at the water, and with a deep breath, lifted my right foot onto the watery edge. I half-expected to sink like a rock, half-expected for Keith to sink too. But once the ripple formed from my bare feet, I felt a solid ground from the surface of the water, widening my eyes further.

“Remember the time in sixth grade,” Keith spoke while we ambled, “when we both took swimming classes for second semester, and you preached about how you wanted to be a professional acrobat?”

For a second, I was too nervous to respond, my eyes glancing to fish that swam mindlessly underneath us. “Swim racer,” I corrected. “I w-wanted to be a professional swimmer and race, actually.”

“Oh,” Keith paused. “Must’ve mixed them up, I suppose. Anyways, you’d always be the first in the pool, and even the last out, resulting in Ms. Hawkins threatening to give you detention one day. She was already dressed for next class, and tried to grab you from the water. But—”

“—she fell in with me,” I recalled. “Yeah I remember.” A short chuckle came from my throat. “You should’ve seen the look on your face, man. It was just phenomenal you didn’t die of laughter after seeing that.”

“Yeah,” we now stood seven feet away from the shore.

“Why are you asking me that?” I asked curious.

Keith smiled. “Because,” he spoke to me with delight, “that’s the day I fell for you, David.” My heart hammered at my chest, and I couldn’t help but gape in awe.

“I…I love you so much, Keith.”

The blonde boy smiled. “I love you too, David.”

He walked closer to me above the calm waters, his arms pulling me to his chest like a lover. Keith’s heartbeat ran from his wrists to mine, eventually leading to our frail arms around each other’s necks. After a while, our foreheads gently butted together, leaving his inviting lips an inch apart from mine.

As soon as our lips met in a short, passionate embrace, a crack of lightning shook us apart, and it began to sprinkle into an intense rainfall that didn’t drench us. It wasn’t until I looked up that I realized the sky had lit up with the sun, turning the rainfall into a harmless hailstorm of diamonds.

All of a sudden, I felt something change again. The diamonds that fell from the sky turned into swirls of pure light, lingering through the air like candles floating like comets on a cosmic lake. In fact, I no longer saw the mirror of the sky from the waters, but instead the stunning cosmos of the night sky, of lavender planets and shooting stars and whitening radiance.

It felt like being in outer space.

“Oh my God…” I was left speechless again.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked me. He held out his hand formally, and on us appeared tuxedos. “It’s not every day you get to dance in a place like this.”

With a little hesitation, I allowed him to take my hand with his, and we began to waltz across the water and through the diamond lights. At first, it felt awkward, even stupid, but it changed when I started to hear something: music.

Words could not describe the music that rang through my ears, the kind of music only angels could fathom. Keith heard it too, because I heard him humming to the majestic tune.

The colors of light that circled me and Keith never ceased to fade or stop, they only continued into a dance of their own. I saw them swirl and turn to each syllable of the harmonies in the corner of my eyes, which kept staring at Keith’s with a trance. My feet just kept going on through the melody of the choir, my smile never vanishing as we gracefully slow danced.

As the lights began to fade a bit, and the music coming to a close, I felt Keith’s breath tickle my lips. The angelic music slowly came to a close as we kissed, ending on a final, single, yet perfect note of wonder. We now situated in complete darkness, not a darkness of fear, but a nightly darkness of sleep and comforting silence.

We were two souls alone together, two souls meant to be.

The next thing I knew, Keith tenderly pulled me toward a familiar door, and I became astounded at whose it was. Mine.

Still silent, we sat down beside the bed, hands together and eyes watering happily. “Keith,” I began. “Are you…are you here to stay?”

Keith gave me a melancholy look. “Listen, David,” he said after a soundless moment. “I…I want you to know that I love you, and you are the most wonderful person a guy can ever know.”

“H-How can you just leave me again?” I asked him, squeezing his fingers and whimpering softly. “Why c-come here and then leave me, Keith?”

Keith sighed deeply, and I saw tears form in his eyes. “When I laid in that hospital bed, all I thought about were my loved ones, and you. I didn’t know if there was such a thing as an afterlife, if I’d be able to see anyone again. prayed to be able to talk to you one last time, to say ‘I love you so much, and I’ll never stop loving you’. I prayed so much that it hurt much more than when I died,” he paused, letting a single drop of sadness fall from his right eye. “You…are the one true boy I’ve never met to understand life, which it’s meant to be a moment to cherish with those we love. You taught me that when I was sad, and now I want to tell you that.”

“I’m…I’m empty without you, Keith,” I started to cry. “I’m gone without—”

“Nothing will ever change what we have, David,” Keith persisted, hugging me closer and lowering his teary-eyed gaze. “Out of the sixteen years I’ve been alive, I would never trade what we had for extra time on Earth. You’re that important to me. Okay?”

I cleared my throat. “Okay,” I croaked. “Will…will I ever see you a-again?”

In response, Keith raised his left hand and caressed my cheek with a gentle touch, his blue eyes glowing. “Can…can you please promise me something? David?” Keith’s heartwarming voice was very sincere with his question. I nodded back to him in reply. “Go live your life. Let your soul shine and make me proud. Can you do that for me?”

Keith leaned forward on the bed and kissed me on the corner of my lips, and then a tender kiss of passion. Slowly closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around his neck, even playing with his hair the way he liked it. I felt an electric pulse surge through our souls, temporarily forming one being that beat two hearts and spirits. I’ve felt a sensation like this dozens of times before, but not like this.

By the time I had to pull away for breath, Keith laid himself on top of me, his soothing breath a mere foot from my parting lips. “Can you promise me?” he asked again.  “Please?”

Before I could reply, a sudden sleep came over me. As I began to lose consciousness, my eyes caught the marvel of a brilliant brightness that came from Keith’s chest above me. It started to glow brighter in the darkness, and before blacking out, I last witnessed Keith’s gracious smile dissolving into diamond rain.

Promise me, David. Pleas...

~*~*~*~*~

I awoke the next morning with sweat and tears pouring down my face. Tired at first, I immediately shot out of bed and felt disoriented. As I tried remembering my dream, my eyes traveled around my room and fell on two items.

My black clothes, the same one I wore to Keith’s funeral. And a blue notebook, neatly placed on my desk. Part of me didn’t recall putting it there, but something compelled me to look at the final page. I opened it, and was surprised to find a final message at the end of the lingering page.

As I grow older each day, I slowly started to live again, found happiness and even learned to love once again. I never forgot that night with Keith. Our time together was short, but also beautiful. And I wouldn’t trade it away.

Yet even to this day, with other memories fading into the abyss of lost memoirs, I make sure to never forget Keith. Or what he left me in that notebook.

I will always be with you, David. I love you.

~K